I was watching one of my favorite shows on HGTV last night, when this woman, a single mother, decided that she was ready to buy a home. Im assuming she was interviewed about these things because she freely answered the questions asked. She stated that she was getting tired of waiting for the "perfect" relationship or for marriage and decided that she wanted to have a baby on her own. She got pregnant, had a child, and cares not to have a father in the life of the child. Part of me understood where she was coming from. She seemed in her mid to late 30's, had a great job, not in a relationship, and seemingly would not be married anytime soon, so she took things into her own hands and decided to have a child. After all, who wants to wait all their lives for the "perfect" relationship or marriage which may never happen, right?
Many women are beginning to do this, they're tired of waiting for the "right" man to come along, so they either adopt a child or get pregnant and have one not expecting or wanting help. The idea of what a "family" is has changed drastically from generation to generation, and the "look" of a family can be different from home to home. Do you think she was selfish for bringing a child into the world, purposely knowing that this child would not have a father around or even a father figure around?
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Comments
Hello Spiegro. I was simply playing devil's advocate. I am not suggesting that bringing up a child in a single parent household means that they would not otherwise have other male or female (mother or father) figures in their lives that are willing to interact with them and teach them. What I am somewhat concerned about is the fact that sometimes, as humans, it's easier to think about ourselves. When her daughter gets older and goes to school and they have Father daughter dances, or when someone's son gets older and there's a Mother daughter dance, or something along those lines where all of the other children at school have their "other" parent there, the child will be affected. The child will be affected when the other children at school are speaking about their "other" parent when they know they dont have one. I've seen it first hand and I think most all of us have. My concern is more with the child growing up without the other parent, not because the other parent left or decided not to be in their life, but because one parent single-handedly made the decision such that there would be no other parent.
Of course as the child gets older they will see why their mother chose to bring them into this world and know that they are plenty loved, but even some adults feel like they've been cheated for lack of that relationship with the other parent. There's something embedded in us all to want to know who both are parents are, even if they're no good or dead beat. Adopted children, majority of them, want to know how their biological parents are and most want relationships with them.
I am in no way discounting the fact that a single parent household could be filled with love and can produce wonderful results in a child, im just concerned that the unilateral decision to birth and raise a child without the other parent can have negative affects on the child. Granted sometimes having the other parent can cause more damage than good. Im just unsure whether it's the "best" thing to do considering not just yourself and your feelings, but the child as well.