My Guy Friends Are Cooler Than Yours: The Dynamics of Male/Female Friendships

Submitted by Csturdi on February 20, 2012 - 2:08pm

Relationships are our biggest contributors to life. The individuals we surround ourselves with can alter our habits, thought processes and interests. They can increase our intellectual augmentation or stifle our social advancement. They give insightful advice. They provide critical judgment. Friends, associates and counterparts on any level - be it business, social or communal - hold more power than most tend to admit.

This is why I have chosen my close friends carefully. Unbeknownst to them, they’ve been kid tested and Sturdi Approved. I value myself more than anyone on Earth, thus, those around me must be granted partaker eligibility into my chaotically mundane existence.

Through my life-long journey of handpicking friendsters, I hold profound love for my guy friends. Strictly platonic, they may not be the testosterone that I often yearn for, but they’re what I need.

While the girlies are invaluable jewels, my guys are equally priceless. They’re realists. They’re decisive. They’re firm, strong and opinionated. They don’t feel obligated to sugar-coat the truth, but I know that they always have my best interest at heart. They’re fun, entertaining, adventurous and humorous. They’re book smart and streetwise. They expose me to new ideas, values and beliefs. They give me highly classified secrets that I use to maneuver in and out of shenanigans. They provide support for my holistic development.

The dynamics of the male/female friendship create a balance in the universe. It is often stated that women can be emotional, long-winded and unintentionally complicated; but guys are basic. The beauty for a female with a great guy friend is that with all of his humanly layers, he still manages to offer that much-need element to life called simplicity.

So, for….

…my West-Coast kid who gave me my first published writing opportunity and has since allowed me to date several of his friends contingent upon my withholding of any graphically over-the-top details…

…my law school guy who, for years, firmly debated with me about urban reform and higher education until he finally realized, Christina is always right…

…my afro/nose ring wearing, anti-hipster who sits with me for hours at a time over food and drinks mulling over love, life and cynicism…

…my brother from another mother who always lends his gifts and talents to me in the tightest of clutches…

…my brother from my actual mother who gives me spiritual advice, encouragement, guidance and tear-jerking laughs…

…my wiz kid who manages to keep it genuine with me in the midst of his new-found, well-deserved spotlight…

…my workaholic who makes time in his busy schedule to tell me how I’m not going to be treated by guys and what he’s going to do to them if they ever do me wrong...

…my Casanova who has always found time between dates to support my professional aspirations with advice, referrals and resources…

… my visionary who trusts me with his dreams and supports mine just as equally…

…my long-lost recluse who comes out of the cut every few months to drop words of wisdom and chronicles of life experiences…

…you have provided me with a healthy equilibrium of things I cannot provide for myself, I wish I could become and can’t live without.

I am blessed to have several male gems to accent my life. I implore every lady to find at least one.

Personal Development

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Comments

Submitted by drskillzz on February 20, 2012 - 2:41pm.

This subject comes up a lot in conversation it seems. And I've heard different perspectives on the topic too. I agree that each gender brings a different perspective in general and that's good for balance. There's just one point you made that left me scratching my head a bit ... regarding the "strictly platonic" characterization of your friendships with those of the opposite sex. I guess I'm reading, thinking, "that's nice and kosher, but what happens when strictly platonic isn't so platonic all of a sudden, how do we maintain the relationship without compromising the professional or personal aspect?" To me that's the big elephant in the room that, perhaps as a guy, I'm more curious about. Thoughts?

Submitted by Csturdi on February 20, 2012 - 3:08pm.

Good Question, Mario. I actually included this in my first draft of the post. But many of my best romantic relationship emerged from friendships. So, there's nothing wrong with crossing that line if both parties think its the best move, realizing that if it doesn't work out, it may compromise the bond that they currently have. Additionally, some guys I've previously dated have turned out to be great friends. I guess my biggest issue is the notion that when you meet someone of the opposite sex, the intent goes straight to forming a romantic relationship (if you find them attractive) rather than assessing how they might be a good 'friend' to you.

Submitted by cdrizzle on February 22, 2012 - 9:01am.

I agree with you Csturdi. I think crossing the line is possible if both parties are in agreement and on the same page. It really just depends on how people emotionally respond towards things. We are often lead by emotions, but what often separates us from one another is how we respond to those emotions. For some of us, we can handle our emotions and maintain a platonic relationship, while others may struggle with having emotions that surpass a platonic relationship. In a situation where both parties like each other on the same level, then a good bond of business and pleasure can be formed. The difficulties are those situations where the intent of one party differs from the other. In terms of your biggest issue Csturdi, I think it all still depends on whether both parties have the same intent. I just think that taking things slow is key with "great" communication. Also, we have to consider that sometimes the difficulties come from what the parties allow to happen. If you want a strictly platonic relationship, then let your actions "show" that. Confusion can be a big problem creator. As I stated before, I think "communication" is the bottom-line key to assessing what relationship each other see, want, and can handle.

Submitted by 8twenty3 on February 22, 2012 - 11:27am.

I agree with you cdrizzle, the bottom-line is communication. It can make or break any type of relationship. Personally, I have experienced both scenarios...the "strictly platonic friendship" and then the "strictly platonic isn't so platonic all of a sudden" with the opposite sex. I absolutely adore my "brothers," and I have learned sooo much from them and they continue to prepare me for my "knight in shining armor" in so many ways. However, one relationship was taken a little bit further than just "platonic." I thought that the communication was "rock solid," but apparently not a solid 100%. Our relationship (or friendship...LOL!) did get a little rocky but it ended up smoothing out and we are back on the same page and will remain to keep it "strictly platonic!" I said all that to say... if you have a SOLID friendship with the opposite sex nothing will be able to break the bond that was already established. HOWEVER, I am a firm believer that there is opportunity for a "strictly platonic" to grow into a more intimate (non-sexual) relationship. Look at the relationships from "Love & Basketball" & "Brown Sugar." LOL! If a person is meant for you, then it will be known. :)

Submitted by Csturdi on February 22, 2012 - 4:46pm.

Brown Sugar is one of my favorite movies... I cannot disagree with that one lol.

Submitted by Caoihme on February 29, 2012 - 1:14pm.

I agree with you all! Communication is definitely key. However, I do think honesty also plays an important role. (1) Honesty with yourself, and (2) Honesty with the other person. If people can just be honest with themselves about their feelings and what they want, then it would be easier to communicate and be on the same page. If what you want is a friendship, relay that, and show that in all your actions, not just when you feel it's convenient. Do not leave it to the other person to read between the lines of your ambiguity. When people choose to blur the lines of a friendship and relationship, that's when you run in to trouble. On the other hand, if you want more, then express it, show it. Leave no vagueness to your decisions and actions. Two people can only be on the same page when things are put out into the air. Sometimes that means backing off and letting things settle, sometimes that means putting more effort into it and deciding to move forward together. At the end of the day it's simply a decision to either keep your friend a friend, or venture out into risky waters with allowing them to be more than a friend. Just like you all have seen, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt, but be honest with yourself, that way you can be honest with the other person as well. All that to say, I loved Brown Sugar too, it was one of my favorite movies for a very long time (still somewhat is). But I do believe if the two of them were honest with themselves sooner, they would have seen that what they sought for was always right in front of their faces, which could've avoided the heartbreak of their significant others in the end. Que sera sera! But dont make reckless decisions just because that is true! Hehe Good Read!

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